Eckhart Tolle on Mindfulness: Parenting Edition

Ever tried to explain mindfulness to a seven-year-old while they’re mid-meltdown? Picture this: I’m in the kitchen, one twin is lamenting the injustice of bedtime, the other is attempting to recreate the Tower of Pisa with blocks, and I’m standing there like a referee with no whistle. Enter Eckhart Tolle, a spiritual teacher who could probably teach a masterclass in staying calm amidst chaos.

Tolle’s teachings are all about awareness—being present in the moment rather than getting swept away by a tide of thoughts. Now, if you’re a parent, you know that the tide of thoughts during a tantrum is more like a tsunami. But Tolle suggests that many of us are simply swept along by our thoughts, confusing them with who we are.

In his video "What Awakening Actually Does to Your Mind," Tolle explains, "Most people don't think because if you say 'I think,' that implies there is volition behind it." He’s not wrong. Ever found yourself thinking, "I’m a terrible parent because I just let my kid eat cereal for dinner again"? That’s not you thinking. That’s a narrative taking you for a ride.

Tolle argues that true thinking requires awareness—something many of us are still working on. He says, "Thinking happens to them, they can't help it." And isn’t that the truth? Especially when your little one is asking "why?" for the 47th time. Recognizing when we’re identified with our thoughts is, according to Tolle, the first step toward spiritual awakening.

Bringing this into the parenting arena, imagine the difference between reacting to your child’s chaos with frustration versus with mindful awareness. The latter might sound like a fairy tale, but Tolle’s approach is simple: awareness doesn’t mean suppressing thoughts or emotions. As he puts it, "Attempting to suppress thoughts can lead to increased mental pressure, similar to a boiling kettle."

So how do we translate Tolle’s wisdom into family life? Start small. Next time you’re in the middle of a bedtime battle, try to notice your own thought patterns. Are you feeling like you’ve lost control? There’s your cue to step back, breathe, and remind yourself that you’re not your thoughts. You’re a parent doing the best you can in a system that’s anything but supportive.

Tolle’s ideas are not a magic wand for perfect parenting, nor do they claim to be. But they do offer a framework for navigating the daily grind with a little more grace and a lot less guilt. And let’s face it, who couldn’t use a bit of that?

The paradox is that while Tolle’s teachings advocate for presence and awareness, they also recognize the difficulty of achieving such a state in our modern world. Perhaps this is the tension that makes his message resonate: the challenge of maintaining awareness amidst life’s chaos.

So next time you’re knee-deep in a parenting moment that feels more "Survivor" than "Little House on the Prairie," remember what Tolle suggests: awareness is the key. Not to perfection, but to presence. And sometimes, presence is enough.

By Marcus Obi